I. AM. HUMBLED.
It's hard to describe. 24 hours ago, I thought at this moment -now- I'd be in post-op recovery, patch over eye, instructions for home, husband driving car up to building, husband putting seat back to the lowest level, short 1 mile drive to get home. Spending the day head/eyes-to-ceiling, dozing in and out.
IT. DID. NOT. HAPPEN.
The background and story.... It is wordy and long but I NEED to remember the details...this is a day I don't ever want to forget!
Through the recovery of my last surgery on September 1st and the two bubbling procedures following, my doctor and I have waited for my new transplant to attach. At one of those post-op appointments, my doctor told me of a recent patient of his who had gone through very similar circumstances and was ultimately headed for another surgery. Miraculously and out of the blue - before her surgery was scheduled - she called my doctor and indicated she knew her transplant had attached...she could see! As a result, no surgery needed to be scheduled. In all of his years of practice, he had never seen such a case. As we spoke of this situation, my doctor, his assistant and I termed this case "the JS" (I'm only including the initials of this "case"... although the patient's name was never revealed to me...I want to keep even the "case" name anonymous! ). I viewed "the JS" case as one of hope....one clearly I was not expecting, but one I could surely hope for....
Fast forward 48 hours ago...I woke up, looked at my eye and it looked different. It didn't have the milky white appearance that I had grown accustomed to seeing for the past weeks. It looked healthier. As the morning progressed, it seemed as though my vision was just a bit sharper...still not great...but definitely not the complete white fog I was used to seeing, especially in the morning. The weather had turned much colder and the humidity was down and I remembered my glaucoma specialist once telling me how vision can sometimes fluctuate with the weather. I dismissed my slightly improved vision to the colder weather.
24 hours ago....I woke up, looked at my eye and it still had that healthy look to it. Surgery was scheduled for the next day...so I figured I was going to go through with it....even if my eye looked better. But once again, sharper vision kept knocking on my door. I had a few errands to run and was planning to leave the house in less than half an hour. I very much debated in my head if I should call the doctor's office. It had to be the weather, didn't it? Wouldn't my doctor and his assistant think I was crazy if I too thought I could be like "the JS"? Wasn't it too late to cancel surgery? I called anyway - I had to have the peace of mind that at least I had asked about it before surgery.
I spoke to my doctor's assistant and told her I didn't know if this was like "the JS", but my vision seemed clearer...could it be the weather? She said possibly - but did I want to come in to have it checked out? I hesitated...what if this was all my imagination? I didn't want to waste my doctor's time and me feel foolish in the process. She urged me to come in for a quick vision test and eye check...it shouldn't take long and I was scheduled for a 2:10 appointment in the afternoon.
As I drove to my appointment, I questioned myself, hand over good eye..."Am I seeing better? Can I really see those white stripes down the road?" As I sat in the waiting room, it continued...."Am I seeing better? How many chairs are in this row?". (You get the drift). Knowing I had a balance due on my medical bills, I paid those bills at the counter and thought "At least I'm saving a phone call or a stamp by being here and getting this paid off now...one less thing on the to-do list". (I'm chuckling right now over that thought I had!) :)
A technician called me to an exam room, I answered some questions and then I covered my left eye and took a deep breath..."here we go" I thought. I could see the big E CLEARLY...and I kept on going.... It wasn't easy, it took me A LOT of time to read some of those lines.... When I couldn't go any further, she gave me the pinhole test and I could read even further - I believe to the 20/40 line. I hadn't SEEN like this with my right eye for a long, long time (i.e., YEARS)!
I had to wait just a couple of minutes in the hallway for my doctor to finish up with other patients. At this point, I'm starting to feel like I'm in a cloud....I'm feeling something.... I sit next to a very nice older gentleman and we start up a conversation about the weather, moving down south for the winter, his new grandson recently adopted from overseas and I share that my son is adopted too...and while not from the same country....from the same general vicinity. "Small world" I'm thinking.
My doctor steps out from his office, calls the nice gentleman into the room , and proceeds to tell me that I just missed "the JS"...she had been there seconds, minutes before. One minute later the doctor's assistant tells me the same thing...our physical paths just never crossed. I'm still in that cloud. ... I'm feeling something good....
Minutes later, it's my turn with the doctor. He tells me he's going to switch things up with the eye chart. I joke that he must think I have memorized it. I see the big E, I see the smaller E's pointing in different directions. I see letters, numbers....not easily, but I see them with lots of concentration! Six days ago I could barely see fingers in front of my face...and now, with that intense concentration, I'm seeing 20/60! With such vast improvement, surgery tomorrow will not be necessary now. Come back in two weeks for a follow up to see how I'm doing.
Sitting in the big chair, I'm still in that cloud...but this time my doctor and his assistant are with me...I'm feeling something good...something happy. "The JS" had been in this same seat just minutes before. Two cases now...in just a couple of months...tough cases offering surprises. In that room, at that moment, I feel and see awe, happiness, pure joy.
The assistant calls the eye bank....the transplant tissue that had been assigned to me has not been processed yet....it should be available for another patient! More joy!
Just over a month ago, I wrote about choosing joy as a response here amidst all circumstances. But now, not only was I living and feeling it, joy was being reflected back at me! I could SEE JOY in my doctor's and assistant's faces, in the jumping up and down of my son when he walked in the door from school and I shared the news. I could HEAR JOY on the other end of the phone line from my husband, parents, family members and pastor. I could READ JOY in email responses from friends and my husband's co-workers. What a joyful experience!
This improved vision may last only two minutes, two days, two weeks, two years or twenty. It is far from perfect now but I don't need perfect. Another surgery may come sooner rather than later. I don't know - I have come to expect anything with this eye and only God knows what plans he has for me. I choose JOY as my response to this disease and I will take and accept it. BUT to actually SEE, HEAR, READ pure joy be reflected from others back to me - in just a matter of hours - has been a blessing for me. One day not to be forgotten for sure. A miracle for sure.
In summary, at my little family's celebratory dinner at my favorite restaurant last night, my 11 year old son ordered his favorite special flavored beverage "kiwi twist" and after he took his first sip he said, "if anyone deserves this, it's Dr. Stechschulte". Ahhh, well said son, well said.
Thanks be to God and for all those prayers!
No comments:
Post a Comment